or lack thereof.
Every weekend is a new adventure. This weekend, I set out to go sailing for the first time. Thinking that sailing would be calm and relaxing, Sonzzz and I set out on a friend's boat for the day. Apparently we picked the most windy day to go out to sea. It should have been a sign that as we took off, all other boats were heading in. We were the only boat out there. I don't know the nautical vernacular for it, but the boat was almost capsizing all day. We were riding at a 20 degree angle half the time. Wind was like a bajillion knots (however you spell that), and the water was super choppy. Yep. We were going overboard at some point for sure. I was so amped!
Steve, our captain, definitely took the biggest risk when he decided to have me steer the boat. For a long time. In the vicious wind. While they were putting up the sails. Besides almost throwing Jeff overboard, I had no business driving that boat. It was positively awful and amazing all at the same time.
We were getting soaked, falling off our seats and getting thrown all over the boat – it was awesome. Went out to the tip of the boat, almost slid off and got thrown in a couple times, and I was having the time of my life. Sonia and I were troopers and just woo-hooing during the whole thing. Now I know I have no fear, and love to live dangerously, but somehow I didn't think using the restroom on a sailboat would yield such hazardous results. Biggest mistake ever.
Imagine if you will, a TINY curtained off section of the boat with a makeshift toilet-pump-thingy. The curtain doesn't hit the floor, so you can see any footwork that is going on in said "room". So in order not to be thrown around the boat mid-urination, I anchored my feet against both walls, held my hands across for support and hoped for the best. the boat started tipping. and then rocking back and forth violently. With my bathing suit bottom around my ankles, my feet uncontrollably shuffled back and forth with the rocking of the boat across the designated area. Just kept quickly shuffling all over the place trying to catch myself. There was no use; it was a lost cause. I was getting thrown all over the place. My goal was at least not to be half naked during the raucous or be thrown out in full view for my fellow passengers to see. After grabbing onto something stable, the boat jolted and I was literally thrown through the air until I felt my back crash into the wall. I literally flew in the air, crashed into the wall, and slid down till my ass was on the floor. Aaaaand scene. It was kinda like that scene in Back to the Future where the amps were so powerful, they threw Marty McFly across the room. Except my launch was not nearly as graceful.
How there wasn't urine all over the boat, I'll never know.
I have a lovely banged up, bruised, and swollen back. It was awesome. And hilarious. If anyone could see that scene, it was priceless. And R rated.
I f-ing love sailing.
