The Best of 2006

Top 20 things I was thankful for this year:

• the f-ing TomKat wedding finally being over! For the love of god. I don’t care about them, their staged love affair, their waste of 3.5 million dollars, and oh that poor, defenseless little cross-eyed alien baby! And I always hate any extra reasons for midget egomaniac Ryan Seacrest being on TV.

• That I am no longer Amish. This year I learned to text, create a website, edit movies, bought a Macbook Pro, and I am now officially tech savvy and therefore culturally acceptable.

• Skampy’s music.

• Teaching the word “douchebag” to all of the men in Italy. Nobel Peace Prize, here I come!

• H&M finally getting their shit together and opening in LA. Sheesh!!

• my trips to Paso Robles, Channel Islands, New York, and Toronto

• Spontaneous Dance Party. in my apartment, on a hike, or out in public. The biggest key to happiness.

• Gael Garcia Bernal, Hugh Laurie, and Tim Gunn

• the vespa

• not marrying the Gay Israeli for $50,000.

• the best birthday of all time: surprise party and wine-tasting trip up North!

• Inventing lingerie Catchprase (honorable mention: lingerie dance party in the woods). You’re welcome.

• not getting caught when I had a warrant out for my arrest (runner up: miraculously not getting a boot on my car….again). f parking tickets, and then forgetting about them.

• all of the goat cheese quesadillas my heart desired

• my sister buying her first house & enjoying her beautiful new home :)
  

• Kate and Sawyer’s long awaited (mainly by me) sex scene. Shoulda showed more, wussies!!

• my macbook pro. my everything.

• America getting their shit together and voting blue!!

• my Europe trip with Shaki and “SPF 4” Keely.

• As with every year, the best family and friends in the world! fo real though

2006 was the most incredible year of all time. I escaped to Europe, Toronto and New York, laughed through the streets of Rome, hiked the coast of Cinque Terre, strolled through artsy Florence, gondola-ed the canals of Venice, trudged through the rain in Paris, went kayaking and camping in the Channel Islands, had the best birthday week of all time, stayed at a gorgeous vineyard in Paso Robles, had a lingerie dance party in a cottage in the woods, went sailing for the first time, was a professional wedding date, threw lots of get togethers, danced in the ocean, ate tons of Astro Burger, house sat, scooped tons of cat crap, was a sweaty dancing queen, went to a bunch of great shows and concerts, had lots of brunches and bbq’s, tons of catchphrase, bundt cake in bed, quality craft-matic time, reacquainted with long-lost friends, reunited with an old love, and had LOTS of spontaneous dance parties! I love my life….and everyone one in it.

Not a day goes by that I don’t feel so incredibly blessed for everything in my life. My ridiculously amazing and loving family – the best in the world, my wonderful, supportive, loving, brilliant, hilarious friends who inspire me every day, the traveling I’ve done, the adventures I’ve had, the hard lessons I’ve learned, meeting incredible people, the love and romance, and even the heartbreak. I am so lucky and thankful for the amazing group of people I have around me, for all of the love in my life, and for the amount of happiness I feel each and every day. Sorry if you want to punch me now.

2006 was the best. Here’s to an even better 2007. Excited for what next year will bring!
xo

Finish reading this story...

grandparents = Christmas Comedy

Anyone that knows me knows how adorable, wonderful and AMAZING my grandparents are. They are my life. They are the cutest, most precious beings on earth. And hilarious. Besides being perfect in every way, they are f-ing hysterical and they don't even know it. The levels of unintentional comedy are exquisite.

My sister and I stopped by to visit this weekend and as always my grandmother pulled out the envelope of articles, clippings, and cards she likes to read to us from relatives we don't know. She holds these envelopes for us to share when we visit.

This week, she shared a jem. My adorable 87 year old grandpa just recently stopped going to the casinos to play poker. For the last 40 years, he has gone to the casinos 2-4 times a week- my cute little grandpa hustling! This is how my sister and I learned our masterful poker skills. But I digress. Apparently, since he has recently had to stop going, his waitress Jane misses him dearly. Jane calls, writes, and sends a yearly Christmas card. My grandma wanted to share this year's Christmas Card with us:

Oh wait, there's more. Here's the caption:

"Have a wonderful Christmas & Happy New Year. I miss you at the casino. I just transferred to the Asian side a few weeks ago, and I like it 'cause it's less stressful. Love, Jane."

Then my grandma proceeds to explain in wonder that Jane achieves that ever so fetching hairstyle by putting bra pads in her hair. And for this my grandma thinks she's crafty. I'm glad to see she's not at all threatened by my grandpa's lovely stalker.

And if this wasn't enough to send my sister and I rolling, later in the evening my sweet, adorable grandma utters these very words, "Jane wanted to give Grandpa a blow job." My grandpa the heartbreaker. Always has been, always will be.

Other notable quotes of the night:

"I moon your grandfather just to make him laugh."

"We're going to have to put dynamite up his butt."

and my personal fave

(very innocently) "Yogurt! Oh yes you put that right up there in a small douchebag."

If I ever hear my grandmother say douchebag again, I'm gonna lose it.

And lastly, one more brilliant idea from grandma before we left. My sister is a songwriter, and every year my grandmother tries to talk her into writing a hit Christmas pop song, cuz "that will really roll in the bucks." This year her suggestion was to write a song teaching everyone to start saving their money for once. She excitedly proposed to my sister the song "Nifty, No-Gifty, Thrifty Christmas. Monica, it would top the charts!"

I've said it my whole life, and I'll say it again. My grandparents are the best ever.

Finish reading this story...