Stank Traffic

To the guy who stunk up all of the Wilshire/Sepulveda intersection and outlying areas during rush hour today: Dude, either roll up your windows, or ditch your heinous cologne! For the love of all Angeleno commuters!

Unbelievable. Here I am, stuck in traffic, minding my own business, shuffling through my iPod cuz it dawned on me that all 4 stopped lanes of Wilshire have heard me blast Belle & Sebastian's Another Sunny Day 6 times in a row, and now I'm kinda embarrassed – when all of a sudden I'm suddenly hit in the face with a disgusting whiff of some NASTY-ass cologne. So strong and so rancid that I repeatedly coughed and my eyes teared. At first I was in dismay that I was even close enough to another human being that I could be choking on their rancid scent. Then I was in even more shock cuz it kept lingering. It didn't seem to want to go away. Even as I drove. I kept looking around thinking that a cologne store might have spontaneously combusted in the middle of traffic when I wasn't looking. Good god, this was ripe and cruel! It didn't go away, and the suspects were many.


Let's check the line up:
The stank culprit could either be 1. the UCLA student rocking out in his truck (nah, I didn't smell Cool Water and plus his windows seemed to be closed) 2. the old man in the Prius (awwww, he's too cute helping out the planet, and he probably wears Old Spice anyway) 3. the metro business dude in the Audi (metros are too careful about their scents, and by the looks of it, he looks horrified by the stench as well) 4.the creepy old married dude in the Jag who still managed to eye me over like a slimeball as he yelled vehemently at someone on his Treo (dick) 5. the super vanilla guy listening to KBIG in what I could only imagine to be a company or rental car (windows are open, but I doubt he wears something with that much of a bold statement) 6. the dad in the Camry equipped with cigarette and my kid is 'fill in the blank 'bumper sticker 7. the hipster in the coupe (his odor is of a different origin) 8. the gangsta rapper poser in the Hummer (I can't even focus, cuz his stupid army car is too obnoxious for words - you could learn something from Old Prius guy) or #8: the Persian in the Mercedes. Ahem.

It took a good mile for the scent to go away. It's a miracle I didn't pass out. It was all a little too weird and unsettling. I guess I could have closed my sunroof, but it was too gorgeous outside, and my sunroof only closes when it rains.

As soon as the air and my car were odor free, my nose thanked me, the gagging presided, and turned to my trusty ipod and blasted Another Sunny Day.

7 more times.