Accupuncture Erotica

I learned some interesting things about myself today: I weigh 109 pounds (who knew!), I am 20 % body fat (YIKES! Thanks Pinkberry), I unnecessarily strip naked for acupuncturists (whoops!), and I’m ferociously attracted to a 65 year old Chinese man.

I went into my first acupuncture appt ever, because a) I haven’t been sleeping, and b) it was free. I had an unusually spastic, stressful day and was told that I would be receiving a complementary massage. Cha-ching! I had no idea it was a full body 1 hour massage!!

I undressed completely and waited on the table for the doctor to come in. (sidenote: I’m kind of a perv when it comes to massages. I should warn you now) I was kinda hoping some hot assistant would come in for the rubdown. But instead a geriatric Chinese man came in. oh well, you can’t win them all.

We made our pleasantries, I apologized for being naked (all of a sudden I found it completely inappropriate), and he started the massage.

The second he touched me, I was in heaven. His hands were f-ing magic! And everything he did was perfection. And quickly I was shamefully aroused. When I was turning over, he goes, “Your puppies are sitting there. You have your puppies out! Put your puppies away!” I made him blush. (puppies=boobs, btw)

As he was rubbing my ass, I go, “so you from around here?” and he hushed me. hmmm, hard to get? Niiiiiiiiiiice. I enjoy a challenge.

With the Yanni version of the Titanic soundtrack setting the mood in the background, I started getting further and further into ecstacy. And was eager to get to know my new Chinese friend a little better.

He had to readjust the sheet (so he could sneak a better peak of the boobies I bet). i didn’t much mind. As he massaged the adjacent areas, I was kinda hoping he would cop a feel. Yes I realize I am officially disgusting. But you don’t know his hands! They were heavenly.

As he started doing something wildly and sexually inappropriate to my toes, I almost let out a flirtish squeal when all of a sudden the musak version of the f-ing LORD’S PRAYER came on!! I am not even kidding. I was immediately reminded that I am a hideous slut. What the hell is WRONG with me! why do I want to have this man’s babies right now! and why isn’t he touching my boobs! They’re out in the open!

Sensing my tension he said, “請是安靜”. Which I think is Chinese for “you have a great ass”. I decided to conceal my lustful ways and just enjoy the rest of his orgasmic massage.

I hereby state that I have never been touched like that. sorry any former lovers who read this - it’s true. He rocked my world. I needed a cigarette when he was finished. I’m bringing wine and chocolate covered strawberries to the next appt.

I walked out of the appt, stalling, batting my eyelashes, desperately trying to get him to notice me. I was hoping he’d ask for my number, but nothing.

I came back to work and everyone thought I had a lunch quickie, what with my JBF hair and stupid grin on my face.

I will be dreaming of Grandpa Chinese Guy. We will meet again Jung Chiu, oh yes we will meet again. Get ready for these puppies.

Jesus CHRIST I’m in heat. I’m off to take a cold shower.
Lauren Chiu